What is heartache?

I was on a road trip today and started reflecting on the year. I thought about the many great times, adventures, joys, sorrows and heartaches of the year. That got me thinking about heartbreak. Something many people feel this time of year as we reflect on the people we've lost in our lives, the relationships that have ended, or just the disappointment that comes along.

Heartache is a very real feeling that we all have experienced. That physical weight, pressure, pain and sensitivity in our chest. I wanted to know what actually caused that. This day and age, I believe I can find almost any answer I am seeking via a cursory search of the internet. I searched and searched and the answer to what I thought was a rather simple physiological question was no where to be found. Every piece about the topic simply described the associated feelings and admitted that the answer was unclear. There was minor evidence presented about the long term effects of continued heartache on the actual heart, but nothing to explain the phenomenom of heartbreak.

My roommate suggested that it may be an indication of a higher power, which I do believe, but this made me consider even more the presence of some sort of soul. If the same biological science that can trace blue eyes to one piece of a chromosome cannot explain the global phenomenon of heartache, it may be beyond science. Perhaps its part of humanness.

This is not meant to be a dissertation or proof, simply a consideration. I'm reminded of a question from the Broadway show Wicked, "What is this feeling, so sudden and true?"

Happy Holidays!

A funny take on a diversity issues....

Freshmen Speak: What is success?

I teach a class called Strategies for Success. It is a college success class, but I tend to think success can't be compartmentalized into subjects. There are some universal truths about success. I took the class on a journey of defining success yesterday. At first they gave me words like, "money, happiness, a house, admiration!" One student even said, "A dog!" Everyone laughed when I agreed (because of my little boy Henry.)


What was interesting was that when I asked them to come up with a definition in smaller groups, they excluded all of the discriptors they came up with and decided on rather vague answer like: "Its what you make of it, meeting your own goals, never giving up." They decided that success was a personal definition for each person.

One of the big struggles that emerged was that as 18 year old college students, they were often towards meeting their own ideas of success and the requirements of outside forces, specifically: Family. We discussed the difference between success as measured by outside metrics and success as defined by self.

We discovered that some people are very successful according to the standards of society, but don't feel very successful. Other people are happy with their own achievements, but don't meet any extrordinairy standards externally. Which are you?

We even talked about the "destination" of success. I posed this as a question in which I was seeking advice. I said, "I'm successful by many standards, but feel like there is so much I want to do. How do I balance this struggle?" Several students had earnest pieces of advice for me: "Appreciate where you are now, but keep working for your goals", said one. They basically told me I could feel successsful now and still work on it. The exception is the one student who said we only really know if we are successful once we are dead when we look back and decide.

How do you define success? According to external rules and labels or by internal metrics? Do you care what people think? (Of course you do!) But what is really more important? When is success determined? At the end of life, at the end of the day, after each decision, every moment?

My favorite answer came from a young lady in the back. "The only way you can fail is if you stop trying." That is a great definition of success.  What do you think?


9 Things

I write this on 9.9.09 and it inspired me to think of 9 things I can do in or for 9 minutes to to improve my life or the life of others. Here is what I came up with. I came up with two lists, one sweet, one sour, just for kicks.

The sweet list:
1. Spend 9 extra minutes at the gym.
2. Meditate for at least 9 minutes a day.
3. Spend 9 minutes writing a letter to an old friend.
4. Spend 1 minute every hour for 9 hours taking deep cleansing breaths.
5. Park in a spot 9 minutes away from my office.
6. Spend 9 minutes playing with my dog henry.
7. Think of 9 ways to increse my income.
8. Think of a sincere compliment for 9 people I come in contact with today.
9. Write a quick blog entry. :)

The sour list: (Just a bit of humor)
1. Prepare 9 meals in the Magic Bullet.
2. Walk to my office printer 14 times to find that it keeps printing the wrong direction.
3. Eat all 9 meals prepared on the magic bullet.
4. Watch 1/3 of a golden girls episode.
5. Wait for a meeting at work to start late, again.
6. Stalk 9 people on facebook.
7. Tweet about the 9 people I stalked on facebook.
8. Listen to my roommate talk about the annoying people at work.
9. Plan to teach my students using my socialist/nazi agenda.

Have an Amazing Day!

Never Never Never Give up...

One of the most important messages in life. This video sums up a major part of my message.

Authentically Britney


I went to the Britney Spears concert last night. (Photos and videos to follow on FB soon!)It was a spectacular show as expected and fun to let go and just dance. She showed up with amazing stage work, dancers, and all the spectacle one could expect at the circus. Britney didn't really sing much live, but that wasn't expected (and frankly preferred as she is no Celine or Beyonce.) The experience did make me think. Because of the intense media scrutiny of Britney's career rise and fall and rise again, we all have figured out that she isn't quite the sexy sassy vixen that she plays on stage, in real life. Despite the Cavalli, Jimmy Choo's and extensive hair extensions, she is still a home grown country girl with problems like the rest of us, maybe even more dramatic.

My point here is that, as a professional speaker, I feel like I need to live the message I teach or at least admit my shortcomings. Perhaps the entertainment world is different, but since Britney doesn't sing very much and is clearly playing a role, I couldn't help but wonder...does she feel like a fraud?

She say's she's "a put on a show, kinda girl." So maybe its all a show. Maybe we all put on a show. Do you? What show do you put on for the people around you? For yourself? How can you be more authentic, truly you?

Despite the grandeur of the show, my favorite moment was one of true authenticity. Britney's two sons were brought out to the side of the stage to watch her perform "Everytime", a pretty and classy song. When she saw them, she lit up and waved with a huge smile. At the end of the song, when the lights went down, she ran over and gave them both a kiss. The boys were swept away as to not see the remaining PG 13 portions of the concert. But that was real. It was a mom at work taking a moment to give her kids a kiss.

Take off the masks, the costumes and accents, and just be you for a moment today. ENJOY!

Countdown to College Success Tip #3

Only one more tip to go!

Countdown to College: Tip #2

Countdown to College Success Tip #1

Big life, small budget!

Times are tough for everyone from college students to real life adults in this economy, so I thought I would try to put together some info for those of us who still want to live on a low budget! I happen to be an expert in this, not because of how good I am with money, but because of how bad I've been with money! Over time, I developed some terrible habits with credit cards, loans, overspending and no discipline. Hopefully my mistakes will help you! This article will be broken up into several parts because there is a bunch of info, but very little attention span among our group!

I keep hearing all these get rich quick ads and debt management solutions on the TV and radio. There are really only two keys to surviving a financial storm. Spend less and make more! I know, I know, you are thinking, "No Kidding Einstein", but, its the simple advice that tends to work and its taken for granted. Lets start with the hardest one, Spend less...



1. Kill the Credit Cards. No matter how much you think you need them for emergencies, you are only feeding an addiction. Each dollar spent on a credit card will cost you many times more than that. This is a lesson I've had to learn over and over and over... Please look around at the credit mess the country is in and stop the madness as Susan Powter or Billy Mays would yell.

2.Have a Stay-cation. This is a vacation where you stay home. It may sound lame at first, but I recently did it and found that I have created such life for myself at home that I had plenty to do and enjoy in my house. I have a community pool to lay out at, a spa of a gym, a mac book, which is good for hours of entertainment, a keyboard, books, 90 channels of cable, and a great dog to play with. I spent less money on my stay-cation as I cooked every meal. It was amazing! I highly recommend this

3. Shop Smart. In a time of financial stress, we often begin looking for bargains, but sometimes we don't look hard enough. Do you clip coupons? I don't. Frankly, it is a lot of work and if its gets down to that I will. Also, coupons are available on line. I do however buy generic brands whenever I can. Brand Name Groceries are rarely worth the extra dollars you are paying for. That extra money is used for the marketing and packaging. Store brand groceries can be just as good and save you tons! Plan ahead before you go shopping so you don't end up buying more than you need and you will save big time. Another great tip is buying in bulk. This can be expensive up front, but think about how long 100 rolls of toilet paper can last, if you can store it. If you have an Apple Iphone, you can download an application to help you shop smarter. Scan the barcode and find out where you can buy the item for less. That alone may be worth the cost of the iphone.... maybe.

4. Unplug the appliances. Many appliances continue to draw a small amount of power when they are switched off. These "phantom" costs occur in most appliances that use electricity, such as dvd players, televisions, stereos, computers, and kitchen appliances. In the average home, 75% of the electricity used to power home electronics is consumed while the products are turned off. This can be avoided by unplugging the appliance or using a power strip and using the switch on the power strip to cut all power to the appliance.



5. Drive Smart! Combine errands into one trip. Keep tires properly inflated and aligned to improve your gasoline mileage by around 3.3%. Reduce drag by placing items inside the car or trunk rather than on roof racks. Clear out your car; extra weight decreases gas mileage. Use air conditioning only when necessary and when you do, keep the windows closed. Using cruise control on the highway helps you maintain a constant speed and, in most cases, will save gas. Drive Safely: Aggressive driving (speeding, rapid acceleration, and hard braking) wastes gas. It can lower your highway gas mileage 33% and city mileage 5%.

6. Eat Smart. Eating at home can save you loads of money. Carrying your lunch to school or work is the new trend anyway, but you have to make it yourself. And what about your coffee? As my friend Brandi says, "Well, you can either spend $8 on 1lb of coffee which will last 2 weeks, or $3 per cup at Starbucks. When you average it out, you spend over $700 more on coffee if you buy from Starbucks on a regular basis!"

Look for other creative ways to spend less and let me know what you find!

Coming next in part two: "How to make more money"

Amazing Book Jimmy!

I got these comments all in the last few days and it makes me feel like what I do matters...

Hi Jimmy-

I just finished reading your book and I must say, it was one of the best books that I've read about college students! I'm going to email some people at the Univ of Tennessee and up at Bowling Green and highly recommend that they take a look at it. Your life story is really inspiring and although I'm done with undergrad, I definitely learned some things that I can apply to my job and grad school.
-D.

Look here for the book!

"...And I have you to thank for motivating me to be a better person and work towards my goals!"
- K.

"I hope you continue to impact students, you have so much to offer!"
-K.

"You are an amazing teacher in school, and in life."
-H.

I don't share these to brag...ok, a little, but more importantly, these comments will be filed away and pulled out whenever I feel like it doesn't matter, or those days when I don't feel very successful. I do this with really sincere holiday cards too. What do you do to pick yourself up when times are tough?

Inspire someone today!

-J.

My A.D.D. Life

Running with Scissors!

I copied and pasted this!~ so sue me... no don't really....

Makes so much sense!

THOSE BORN 1920-1979

TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED the 1930’s, 40’s, 50’s, 60’s and 70’s!!

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant.

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn’t get tested for diabetes.

Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.

As infants &children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, booster seats, seat belts or air bags.

Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.

We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank Kool-aid made with sugar, but we weren’t overweight because,

WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day.And we were OK.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down t he hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo’s, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVD’s, no surround-sound or CD’s, no cell phones, no personal computer! s, no Internet or chat rooms…….

WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and, although we were told it would happen, we did not poke out very many eyes.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend’s house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them!

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn’t had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagin e that!!

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!

These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever!

The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned H OW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!

If YOU are one of them CONGRATULATIONS!

You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated so much of our lives for our own good .

While you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave (and lucky) their parents were.

Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn’t it?!

Are you Moody?

I was sitting here looking at the very gray sky and feeling the chill in the air and to be fair its only 65 degrees. I realize this is not a tundra, but I do realize that being a Florida man has spoiled me. This eather puts me in a foul mood, just kinda dim. That is until I realized that I was letting the weather affect my mood and I, being a stubborn man refuse to let it happen. I actually have a choice in my mood. However, there is no magic pill that will just change my mood... well there probably is, but that path no longer suits me.

5 Ways to Change your mood instantly!

1. Move your body! Research shows us that our emotions are tied in heavily with our physicality. If you are slumped over, breathing shallow and looking down for much of the time, chances are you will feel, well, down.

2. Change your scene. If you are down and want to be up. Get yourself in an environment full of life and energy. My office tends to be quiet and gray at times so I step out and walk on campus where there is often so much energy that it changes my state.

3. Watch this video (it works every time for me):


4. Music Rocks! Some music that makes you want to move a little will change your mood almost instantly. And you can't help it cause you know you start dancing when she says, "If you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it. Oh oh oh!" Pick a song that works for you.

5. Water and Oxygen! The two things we need most other than food will actually change your state by giving you the energy and alertness that comes along with being hydrated and oxidated. More is better in this case!

Remember of course that these are suggestions to help you change your state if you are in a bad mood and want to get in a good one. Sometimes we are in a bad mood and just wanna stay there. Thats fine too... just keep it to yourself, don't be spreading that disease! :)

Moodily,
J

Driving Thoughts - Traffic

What do you do while sitting in traffic?

Here are five tips to make your commute more fun and useful!

What other things do you do?

New Semester New Start!

In college, so much attention is given to the first semester of the year. It's the fall with its football games, big events, and sometimes even homecomming. The poor spring semester hardly gets any attention. I mean of course there is Spring Break, but what else? I'll tell you what is great about the Spring Semester

The secret about the spring semester for me was one of redemption. If you look at my GPA from all the spring semesters I was in college (which would number five), you will see a much higher number than that of my fall semester. This usually happened because in the fall, I would get so involved with school life and really spread myself too thin. I actually once earned a measley 1.8 GPA in one fall semester! YES! America's College Success Coach went on academic probation! Believe it, in fact, love it, because that is why I am the authority on college success! I've failed. The spring semester was always my chance to cut back a little and really focus on what was important... getting the grade. I remained involved, but it was more realistic than 5 clubs, a full time job, a fraternity and SGA all at the same time. Besides without a good GPA, I couldn't be student leader. By the way, the semester following my 1.8 GPA, I earned a 4.0 with a final college gpa of 3.0. Solid!

Other students, especially freshmen finally get a clear picture of what they want college to be, finally understanding that it is not all about what they imagined or feared, but a whole different experience. This is a great time to create your college destiny. Many students will change their major, roommate, friends, hair color, and who knows what else!

Use this January as a fresh start to your college life, or you real life... (as if college isn't real!) Commit to making it yours!

Happy New Year


May this new year be the best yet, but not as good as the many to come!